Hello everyone!
I just wanted to take this opportunity to post an update, letting you all know how I am doing aside from my reviews and news content that I have been posting.
It has been a really challenging few months for me as I have been forced to step back from my blog for a while to journal my way through. A lot of the stuff I cannot actually talk about on here because there are some things that are not meant for the public eye.
I have had to re-prioritise, as well, a lot of things as I am on week three of five of a course aimed at helping you to maximise the most out of your life. This, combined with the sessions I have been doing with my work and health provider, have got me to a place where I finally feel steadier...
Faith, Not Feelings
The good news is, though, that my faith in Almighty God is as strong as ever!
I haven't been to church since March '18 and that has been by design as I have had to unpick and unpack all the damage that was done being at a church with such a high emphasis on performance culture. A lot of forgiveness has had to be exercised and an equally lot of severance has had to be enacted towards people who were destructive to my development rather than constructive.
It has taken an awful long time and has journeyed me from rejection, through anger, to bitterness and other unpleasant entities. Yet at the same time, I still come out knowing that nobody is perfect, barring Jesus.
Going forward, I will continue to be journalling my way through my circumstances meaning that a lot of that won't make it as content on here. But what will, as I have been saying for a while, is more reviews, a return to form for "Off the Scale" and a design overhaul for the blog as a whole. I might be, admittedly, pushing that design back into autumn now, but I will try my best to get it enacted asap.
I have learnt along the way that the more I lean on God, the more that He is able to take my weight. In forcing me to sever ties with people who were quickly becoming an unhealthy influence upon me, it has forced me to reassess exactly what it is that I am looking for any friendship and where I can and can't get that from.
This has forced a lot of unhealthy feelings to the surface that have been borne out of unhelpful thinking patterns, causing me to grow as I adapt to who I am becoming rather than who I once was. I have learnt that who I once was has gone now. All I can do is look ahead to he whom I am becoming and strive to conform to that as best I possibly can.
I have not had a lot of time available to write on here as I would have liked and I can only apologise for that. But these things happen and my blog is not at the top of my priorities anymore. It doesn't mean content won't be there, just that it might be sparse for a while longer as I continue to grow through this challenging period.
Be Careful What You Wish For
I remember the January before I left church, I said to someone that I was expecting to be challenged like never before. I never expected, or wanted this. But I've got it so all I can do is to trust that God knows what He is doing in pulling me away from one unhealthy church and see which one He leads me to.
No church is perfect.
I am not looking for perfection in the next church I seek to join. Yet what I do know is what I don't want from a church. What I don't want is exactly what I got at the last church I was at. Seven years is an awful long time from which to draw out and learn from those experiences.
I got what I asked for, just not in the manner that I asked for it, but it was precisely what I needed to experience it. I think, if only, to show me the pitfalls to look out for when you are part of a demanding church that seems to want more from you than it will give to you.
I won't be going back there.
I might not know where I am going, as far as church is concerned, but I know where I don't want to go.
Right back there to that church I went to for seven years. I need to be somewhere constructive to my development, not destructive and that's not meant to be an insult. Just a fact of life.
Final Thought
This is the first post I have put in quite a while where I've just been able to release a lot of what I have been thinking about, so it has been nice. I hope that it has given you a glimpse into why I have had to close up shop for a while and deal with my issues head on rather than bleeding them all over here.
You are my audience. You are my people.
I don't want to create drama for drama's sake when I can be better served writing in my own personal journal all about my struggles and see what sense I can draw from these lessons.
In closing, let me leave you with a song that I am hoping will encourage you going forward: -
Speak life over your situation if you want it to change, not death. Death only kills your situation, your hope, your belief that something can change.
Something can change if you speak to it. Anything can change if you will but speak to it, in Jesus' Name!
Just speak!
===TLP===
No comments:
Post a Comment