Being Mr. Nice Guy... Is It That Simple?

First of all, let me offer you an apology for the delay in resolving this post from back on 23rd August (for I said this was coming next and it's nearly a month late!)! :(

I've had an awful lot on mind of late what with 'The Idea' & all my reviews I've been getting done for this here blog of mine, I just haven't even had time to approach this subject like I wanted to.

It's all explainable anyways, so I'm going to do my best to sort the wheat from the chaff (as usual) in offering you some insight into what's got me where I am today as far as being 'Mr Nice Guy' goes...


You remember my post regarding the pooping out of rainbows (if you don't you should def. go read it, because it's insightful to say the least!)?

Well I'd like to take a few moments of your time now that I've done my jobsearch, to understand this concept that so many people talk about yet might not always be aware of in their lives. For it comes as no surprise to learn that one can be a nice guy and still get where one wants to go in life, right?

Sometimes, however, being convicted of your principals and morals should force you to stand up for what you believe in even if it means you go against the run of play (even if it means they think you're an a**hole because of it); your no's and yes's should mean just what they are!

Take me for example, I came from a religious background, went to church pretty much every Sunday, joined in with the children's activities et al only to get to a point a few years back (four or five, I believe) where I started to wonder why I was doing all of this.

Now don't get me wrong I knew that I was doing the whole 'church' thing because of accepting Jesus as my Lord & Saviour in 1997. Yet here I stood over a decade later wondering how I'd gotten into such a position that saw people self-professing themselves as Christians, yet all the time excluding those that didn't fit in on some level. I became very self-critical of myself, thinking that there was something wrong with me (yet here I am opening myself to complete strangers on the internet!) because I didn't fit in, or wasn't invited into their activities.

It all came to a head one night in the early years of this millennium when I was ousted from the church band having issues with musical timing cited as the reason for this. Yet I for one thing knew that was incorrect, because I was a far better player than one guy they kept in the band. Needless to say I started to realise that they were the unfortunate victims of 'face-not-fitting' mentality (ie. if your face doesn't fit, sorry you cannot be a part of this team).

So here's me, ousted from the only team I'd ever really felt a true part of and cast down to the rocks below, all for the sake of an apparent leader's perspective. Here's a snapshot of the conversation that terminated my involvement (for you to judge for yourselves whether they were out of line, or whether I took it wrongly): -

In some pub somewhere in Manchester Mr. X (let's call him that for the sake of protecting identity, though I'm not sure whether that's necessary or even deserving at this time!) and me sit down for a pint together.

Mr X: So Stuart, how are you today?
Me: Fine, fine.
Mr. X: The reason I wanted to meet up with you is to discuss a matter of your involvement with the band.
Me: (thinks he knows what's coming but wants to hear it from the horse's mouth) Okay.
Mr. X: I think you have issues with timing so we're going to have to remove you from the team. How do you feel about that?
Me: (wanting to scream "cut off you sumb...!" but manages to hold it together) Well, cut off, like I'm up a creek with no paddle.
Mr. X: We don't want you to feel like that so any time you want to talk, just let me know, okay?

What do you think of that, bro's?

That devastated me when he said that, because my whole investment was in that church's band, all my time and energy spent practising was all for giving back to God what He'd given me in the first place, and membership in that band was part of it. I will say that I've taken marginal creative licence with how things went (as the conversation went on longer than that), but the whole gist of it is still true, particularly the part where he asked me how I felt about the whole affair.

But why am I telling you this?

For one it set my musical talent back by almost a year before I seriously started investing in furthering my guitar ability with guitar lessons, so that's how deeply it stung and in fact it ripped into the very flesh of the heart of me.

So I came out of that a bruised, burned and broken shell of a man (well, that and for years feeling like I was evermore the outsider at that church because no one ever involved me in anything, and seemed to only do it out of sympathy!).

Now do you see why I say I can understand for those of you who claim to have no allegiance to "faith" in the religious sense? I know how damaging firsthand those so-called 'Pastors' can be; called to look out for their flock & look after them, when it looks more like they're hunting them down to oppress them and keep them feeling low and worthless, when it's the opposite that rings true from Jesus' own mouth!

Now I've grown up and am part of an awesome church in Audacious, feeling like it's my home away from home, so my only question left to answer now is can I really get where I want to be by being Mr. Nice Guy?

The answer? Not always.

That's the conclusion I've drawn as I was forever the 'yes man' (seeing my dad like that and for all the times he was mistreated there too stings to this day!), never able to say no without a fear of having to justify why I couldn't do something for them at the church, when it was perfectly normal, in fact reasonable, to decline. You know the kind, lol, they frown on you when you claim you can't make it because of football on TV, or whatever... bro's, it ain't the end of the world if I miss that service, my life goes on and so does yours!

FINAL THOUGHT

So, as I bring this entry to a close having left my heart once again on my sleeve as I am akin to doing, I'm making an out-and-out declaration that I'm done obsessing over all that jazz because of what it did to me and how it still affected my judgements to this day.

Today is the start of a new day and when I find my angel, she's gonna see that I take nothing lying down and in fact should expect that I will fight the good fight to the very end!

She's not my domineering focus right now, that goes to 'The Idea' because I'm doing all of this for her and my future children, so let's get it real and say that I hope she shouldn't expect me to be incomplete without her, just as she isn't without me... she's her own woman and I'm my own man, brah!

Peace out!


The Lanky Penguin