Well, I'm still here...
No, but seriously folks, after the severity of my last post I thought it only right that I address some things that I've been reminded of since my last post...
Namely, self worth.
Have you ever thought that your opinions were not even worth sharing? What about such a low esteem of contribution that you offer to society?
These are all questions faced by people on a day to day basis, some can overcome them easier than others. I for one, go through periods where it seems like I'll take on the world and win, to others where I feel like giving up completely.
I've been there, believe you me I have, just this morning in fact, where I thought life was a bunch of baloney and not worth continuing... yet here I am, writing this post.
Why?
I went back to the dreams; the dreams that some day, a mixed up guy like me could find love for the first time... I know, it's frickin' sickening isn't it? :D
That's a biggie for me because I doubted myself and my abilities for time, until I got to one point recently where I started to realise that life just isn't worth living like that.
I made a change.
I decided that it was time to start living for myself, not to cultivate an attitude, but to prove a point to myself that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as bad a guy as I thought I was.
I don't get embarrassed talking about this anymore because I'm not out to please people and their opinions are moot to me, I live for an audience of One!
So, it was this recognition that got me thinking "just why can I not ultimately give up, give in and make the ultimate sacrifice"?
Answer? It was a realisation that one day, things would get better, one day I would find that special someone that I've "been looking for" as the Lionel Richie song goes: -
Say whatever you like, Mr. Richie knows how to deliver a song!
Coupled with that realisation then that things would get better (ED - which is another song!), I started to think of those in whom have reliance upon me, family, friends etc...
Life's way too short to be getting hung up on all the difficulties I faced and I realise that in recognising my past like I did in the previous post, I was in danger of allowing old, familiar feelings to rear their ugly head.
It's only temporary, these feelings and being reminded of them proves to me that I hadn't fully dealt with them because I was questioning why I was even here as the unlovable rogue that I felt I can be at times.
FINAL THOUGHT
My encouragement then, is that you too would not give up, remember to hold on and go to your family and friends when you struggle because they are there for you!!!
It might not seem like it, but remember, we're all in this fight together and life will get just a bit more bearable if we will only let those closest to us in!
See? I'm taking this advice because of issues I've had in the past (which I aim to disclose soon) have resulted in deep seated fear and trust issues developing that have stunted my self-worth.
I'm getting there, I'm recovering, but it starts by admitting that I... have... a problem.
Peace out!
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