Hello again!
I hope you are enjoying these regular updates that I am posting. I'm just trying to write my way through my thoughts and feelings whilst I feel the mist off in the distance and know it could descend at any point.
I'm just listening to Classic FM at the moment and, having done my jobsearch for the day, I'm contemplating what to do next with myself.
Weighing Up My Options
My options range from playing Splinter Cell: Blacklist, Rollercoaster Tycoon 3, do some online shopping, watch a film... the options probably go on!
I just don't know really, to quote that song, what to do with myself, especially knowing that I have to be careful what activities I do that give the mist the all clear to descend upon me. I know that my victory is only around the corner from depression, I just have to keep going, keep believing.
God sees me, He knows what is going on and He is going to use my battle to inspire me in the future and inspire those who I tell my story to. I've been believing that its return is not permanent and shall soon pass, I just have to keep an eye on the sort of things that I am thinking about, as well as the sorts of songs I am listening to.
I spoke recently of control being an illusion in life and whilst I don't argue with the fundamental truth of that, I do believe there are elements that we can influence based on our choices and words.
For instance, if I start playing all my favourite sad songs, or worse still, love songs, I know it will have an effect that I have become all-too-accustomed to feeling and will leave me feeling like garbage as though being single is somehow of detriment to me.
It's not.
A Joy That Will NEVER Stop Me!
I'm happy as I am and though 'happy' is subjective at the moment, I know that deep down I still have my unquenchable joy from the moment God saved me and right now, that is enough to keep me going.
What a great song! "You have, given me a joy that, won't stop and will never leave!"
I just consider that, right now, I should keep on focusing on my walk with God and not put so much focus or so much effort into my pursuit of a partner because in the end when everything else fades, would I rather have a partner and lose my focus on God? Or stay without a partner and keep my focus on God?
I'll take the latter, thank you! :-)
Final Thought
Though I know what I want and I know what I am going to get, God knows who it is and when it will be so I have just got to keep on heading in the direction that I am heading in with no distractions pulling me to either side!
I am on a track I cannot escape from and though some of you may not understand why I am doing what I am doing, one day you will understand... one day you will understand!
Peace off!
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