You know what?
I could get used to this!
Having no job and just being able to do what I want and when I want to...
It's a luxury I forgot all about when I started the Work Training Programme; being able to get up when I want and I appreciate it for all the time that this will last.
I have been more frequent with my postings here since my depression reared its ugly head again to root this poison out for as long as it takes for it to dissipate this time.
Fog-Like Fisher-Like
I wish I had been more aware as I would have seen it sneaking up on me all Sam Fisher-like, but as you know, my crush definitely kept me distracted, didn't it?
I almost want to cry at the thought of what I put recently when I said that I wanted to bury my feelings for... nope, I'm not going to say her name, not yet, because that is not what God would have me do!
He does not want me to deny who I am; a lover not a fighter who only wants the best for his neighbour. If I am said "lover", then what good would me denying how I feel about... her... do?
Where would it take me?
Surely it would take me away from her, when I want to move ever so slowly closer to her as I get to know her. But to get to know her I have to actually talk to her, the very thing that frightens the life out of me!
Is that too bold, or too silly an admission to make?
I said I only want to get to know her better, that was all and I maintain that as true, present and correct as it was from the day that I first saw her.
I said, also, that I did not want it to become an idol between me and my God because that is unacceptable to my walk as that is priority number one; to follow God.
I know He wants me to be happy but the only thing that I want, the ONLY thing that I want; is to return in kind.
Here's the schtick though; He already IS happy with me, I don't need to do anything to win His approval, because I already have it!
I Need Approval From NO ONE!
I'll tell you, that beats trying to get people's approval, or trying to get myself noticed just like I have been doing these last few weeks. I'll put it into words like this: -
I'm trying to shine so bright for Jesus that I go supernova and people look at me and think "who the heck is that and what's he got going on?!".
I think I just need to stop trying so hard because it's frickin' exhausting being like that!
I just need to rest in His love and just be myself!
That's one mission that's been a long-time overcoming because I have always lived as though I have a point to prove, when the reality is that Jesus proved my point 2000+ years ago; that there is nothing more I need do because He did it all on the cross!
In that case then, let me tell you what I've got coming up, if I decide to green light the project!
I may be looking at restarting my movie & videogame reviews so to do that I may very well be launching a brand new blog in the not-too-distant future (I don't fancy doing video reviews just yet though!), so expect that to be just as witty and acerbic as this blog is! :-P
Final Thought
As I plot my course then, I know that it is the Lord that will order my steps forward: -
We can make our plans,but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9'The Lord determines our steps'?
Think about what that means for a moment...
'The Lord determines our steps'!
In other words, when God speaks, He moves, and when He moves, He is determined to see great things come to pass!
And so should we be, bro's!
So should we be!
Watch the skies!
No comments:
Post a Comment