Walking Through the Valley...

Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me, Thy rod and staff they comfort me Psalm 23:4

This posting comes at a trying point in my life and one at which I'm determined not to shy away from the issues that I'm facing at the moment...

Have you ever had that feeling like you're toiling for some greater purpose, some greater treasure that maybe is not here yet, but you know, you just know it will be some day?

It feels like I'm in the depths of a jungle deep, deep, deep in the valley of life at the moment just hack, hack, hacking away at old teachings that have held me back and old mindsets that have kept me down all these years.

What old mindsets?

The one's that old "teachers" used to tell you that you always weren't good enough in the eyes of God and therefore had to strive to not only maintain your right standing with Him but also to, dare I say it... maintain your salvation. In other words, it was implied that you should always be working, working, working hard at being perfect in all that you do.

Now, being a melancholic from the four temperaments test, what I've talked about so far played right in my wheel house because in the past, people had told me that I was far wiser beyond my years, yet was a quietly spoken individual.

In fact, here's what it says about the "melancholic temperament": -

"The melancholic temperament is traditionally associated with the element of earth. People with this temperament may appear serious, introverted, cautious or even suspicious. They can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world and are susceptible to depression and moodiness. They may be focused and conscientious. They often prefer to do things themselves, both to meet their own standards and because they are not inherently sociable."

It creates quite an interesting reading because I can relate to many facets of that particular type, namely the "appear serious, introverted, cautious or even suspicious" aspects.

That sums me up to a tee!

This is the very battle I'm in at the moment because sometimes I can feel so introverted that I'm going to flip inside out on some level so much so that I always wonder if people can really see what I'm up to even if they are a complete stranger.

Before I go much further, this song from the awesome Good Charlotte pretty much sums up how I've felt all too often of late and I'm sure, if you've felt like that yourselves, you can relate: -

The problem with that? I realised pretty quickly that I was putting other people's opinions of me ahead of my own opinions of myself and that is a risky ground to go towards.

Why?

Simple, because we then can become at risk of holding others' validation of who we are & what we do at a higher standard than what God thinks of us!

I don't even need to ask which is more important; man's opinion or God's? Do I?

People don't decide your destiny, God does!

I've heard that said recently from Joel Osteen and it's so true to the point that though people can give or withhold jobs from me, it is GOD that releases the provision of a job in the first place.

In other words, if it's God's will for me to have a job and work for "the man", then it will be done and there's nothing anyone, I repeat, anyone can do about it!

People can think they have an idea in mind to put out a job advert, but it is the Man Upstairs that breathed that thought into motion!

See my conviction? That's my driving force on a daily basis; the fact that God knows what He's doing, that He's on the throne and will come through with no delay.

Which reminds me (ED - No! Don't do it, bro'!) of a song!

"I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord" - so goes the refrain and it is that definite nature what keeps me from giving up today, from checking out on life today.

I've already talked about "those dark thoughts" before, which, if you've been there, you'll know exactly what I'm referring to, but they're still lingering only now it's somewhere off in the periphery of my vision.

One Step Closer

Tonight I had a remarkable God-encounter that I can only attribute to the full stop on a long-standing suffering that's come and gone in repetition over these past few years. I knew deliverance was coming and as I let go in my own private worship time, I'm not kidding you, I saw a light coming and taking it all away leaving nothing left behind but the promised "light burden" Jesus spoke of in Matthew 11:30.

All this time, it felt like I'd been carrying around a massive weight on myself that was never mine to carry. So it became high time for me to admit that I was carrying it and just lay it all down at the cross.

Yes, yes I did see the light, bro's! :D

There was only one difference with this and the last time I appeared to lay it down, this time I felt a real sense of permanence as though, this was it, for realsies and the final time I was allowing those "thoughts" to come anywhere near my house only to now be chased away once and for all by the One True Light!

I've been living a lie these past few weeks, no probably make that months, knowing that they were there all along but not doing enough to acknowledge they were still haunting me, so to get relief like this, at last, is nothing short of a miracle.

THANK YOU GOD!!!

Let me celebrate with another song: -

All this time I've carried around the weight of the world borne (sic!) out of a desire to please people more than God, along with feeling the need to be accepted by said people... until I realised that none of that matters because the only connections I need are the one's God sends my way.

Can you believe all of this started with a hug from one of my bestest friends in all the world??? I have to tell her what has happened because of that one hug reminding me that I'm not alone in all of this thing called life!

Neither are you, bro's, neither are you!

Peace out!