Back to the Start II - I'm Giving You My Heart

Caution: The following post may contain triggers for some people that provoke a reaction so please be advised to read on with some caution. You have been fairly warned! - TLP

Hello everyone!

Apologies for the delay in writing this one, I've been a little apprehensive at tackling this, especially knowing that I'm likely to be delving deep, deep into the crush zone (ED - as opposed to the crash zone!) again in a way I've not done so for a long time.

I've made it known time and again that I'm not really bothered what people think of me talking about my personal situation so freely on here, but I have to accept at least some of the risk at tackling a subject that has been limping me now for the better part of a year...

My Crushing Focus

I recently made mention of it on social media & whilst I will never use the word crush on there like I do on here, I will at least be open and honest to say that things are not quite okay at the moment because of how deeply this has gone for me.

This is, in part why I've come up with this two part series looking at what it means to dial your faith back to its most basic setting of believing that God sent His Son to save you and that you have been fully redeemed because of it and that's it.

So the phrase "even though I limp", should really be translated as "even though I crush"...

Naturally I have to, at this point, tackle the why of dialling your faith back to basics, because I need to make sure my point gets across effectively and fully.

I have mentioned in both episodes now that oftentimes it could be that which helps give you the confidence and gets you through to the other side of your situation.

Watch this, if you are stating that you believe that Jesus saved you & you stand redeemed first, over and above your situation, then where is your focus?

On Heaven!

What Are You Dealing With?

But if you forever say "I deal with this addiction" or "I struggle with this sin" what are you focusing on?

You are focusing on your problem at hand!

Where the mind goes the man (ED - or woman!) follows!

I've told you how crushing on someone impacts me so deeply these days that it makes me emotional, it in turn makes me cry, which means I have to be in A1 condition & on tippy-top form to try and spot those triggers when & preferrably before they come!

It's not always easy, because of how strongly & how deeply I have grown fond of this person over time.

What I did not realise though, was that as much as I might be liking this person, the fact that I was prepared to say to my friend Matt that it doesn't get the right to define me, I don't give it the right to was something that was in fact me fulfilling scripture without even realising it: -

Someone may say, "I'm allowed to do anything," but not everything is helpful. I'm allowed to do anything, but I won't allow anything to gain control over my life.

1 Corinthians 6:12 (GW) emphasis added

I became too focused on Jesus & on living out His calling for my life that I would not let it get on top of me to even realise that I was doing that!

My god it tried, oh... my god, how it tried!

All the times I cried because I want to tell her but cannot do so yet because it is not time to...

All the frustration I felt at being swamped by a wave of affection for this person...

How Perfectly Our Hearts are Made for Love!

Yet here I am, still standing as strong as I've ever been before with my #HeartofaChampion beating strong in my chest as hard as ever!

It's true, I like this young lady a whole heckuva heap (ED - as if he hasn't said that enough already!) but because of my lack of experience in the relationship arena, I have been forced to lean less and less upon myself & more and more upon God & on His strength!

What did I come to realise?

I'll tell you what I came to realise...

I realised that the more that I leaned on Christ, the more I saw that this was all supposed to happen from the very beginning of my life!

God knew I would get this far, see this person and react the way I have done!

If I can just be brave for a moment...

It is just like an angel has descended from heaven and become trapped in human form! :-)

I'm almost struck dumb each time I'm around her in fact!

I don't mean for it...

I don't plan for it...

It just... sorta... um... happens! :-D

But the point is, I have to say that the more and more I leant on God something started to happen; my faith started to increase as I became resilient to the pressure of the crashing tidal wave of affection that I feel for this person!

I observed something additional too through a message from Pastor Steven Furtick (ED - he cannot find the message right now, but if I do then I'll upload the link to it because it's my job to!) that I watched sometime ago; that God can still use me even then so I needn't stay at home so much!

I'll tell you all this for free... I want to throw my arms around this person every time that I see her and give her a big, almighty hug!

I want to be that close to her! ;-)

I realised something else too...

In spite of the weakness that I feel when I am around her, God can still take me by the hand and lead me on to my destiny!

#BOMBSHELL

Final Thought

I didn't see that coming, but am I glad I watched that message now or what!

It was sown in the ground to be constantly referred to during this period of intense crushing upon her, reminding me that even though my faith is currently seeing me wrestle with this, I am starting to walk differently, exactly as my Pastor said I would on Sunday as I started a wrestle of faith.

Though I am starting to limp with it every single day because I almost cannot stop thinking of her, it won't stop me from being everything that God has created me to be!

Peace out!