A Breath for a Life II: A Brighter Side to Suffering?

I hope you all got something from the previous posting that I made and that maybe, just maybe, my pain tonight can bring joy to someone in the morning who is currently struggling with an issue of great significance or importance to them.

I mean, sure, my teeny-weeny little crush is not exactly in comparison to some of the serious issues in life when all is said and done. But what it does do is show me the current state of my heart which, emotionally dead and numb as it feels right now, is still beating away in my chest last time I checked! :-P

It didn't make what happened today any easier though...

I thought, as it was new year, I wanted to at least make the effort to show up at church having already turned off my alarm having woken up over an hour earlier than I intended (but that's nowt new these days!).

I thought, as I'd raised the issue that I need to talk with my life group leader, instead of foregoing it, I would actually make the effort and turn up. The weather pretty much matched my mood; grey, with rain threatening and a need to listen to the heaviest music that I've got on my phone.

Opting against the latter because some cheap headphones I'd got with a crappy radio I'd bought recently, didn't work, I just found myself sitting there, brooding about how things had got to a point where I felt they had gone so wrong.

I mean, did I make a mistake in pushing for the bowling? Probably, with hindsight, yeah. I didn't mean anything by it, just that I want to get to know her better, as I've already said yesterday.

A Mighty Fortress is Our God

Sure, my method might have been a bit scrappy, but I'm learning this all as I go, bro's. I don't know what it's like to be in any kind of relationship, so I'm trying to make the best of everything.

God has been the one Constant in all of this because even though I did a disappearing act for around about a month, I knew I could count on Him to be my Rock, my Shield, my Shelter and my Fortress.

But is being "super keen to get to know someone" such a crime, bro's?

I don't think so, I don't think so.

Questions like these are one's that I face every day now, because it is the truth, I was, nay, I am super keen to get to know her better. I know what I want to happen, but what you want and what you get sometimes are two very different things!

I'm also questioning whether I should even continue writing about this because, as much as writing really helps as a tonic for me to better understand what is going on inside my head, it is also me pouring my heart out onto this very screen that you are now reading.

But isn't that what people want? Honesty?

Don't they want to know where they stand with you?

Remembering in the Wrong Order (Still!)

Sure I'm hurt deeply at the moment, with some of my hopes and dreams looking impossible right now, but it is with even this... EVEN THIS, that I know God can work miracles if I would but just give the situation to Him.

So if I told you that I know the ending to my story is a happy one? That I meet someone, settle down and start a family, does that change anything?

Or does it seem even more a lost cause because I'm pushing into a pipe dream?

With God there are no pipe dreams!

He sees what I want, asks me what I desire, yet gives me what I need and when I need it!

I've learnt, thanks to the enigmatic American preacher Jesse Duplantis, that it is perfectly alright to tell God what I want and desire and it is not greed because He is more than able to work them into His plan for my life.

It is not out of greed that I do this, it is out of a reverential acknowledgement that I know He has everything under control that I tell Him that I, unabashedly and unashamedly, want a devoted Christian wife who, once together, will be a stronger unit than ever we could be apart.

Final Thought

I'm not at all in the slight bit interested what judgements/stigmas/criticism you can send my way because I've told you: -

"So now there is now no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

I already told you; I'm the stigma eater so names/labels and the like are gone, evaporated, EATEN!!! :-P

As for criticisms? Well, you don't live the life I've lived over 34 years and not picked up a few tricks and bad habits along the way, lol!

Just know that, for the rest of 2016, #herecomestrouble will be rolled out across the board! :-D

Watch the skies!

TLP