Do you ever have that feeling like you are permanently pre-occupied with stuff?
You know what I'm talking about, right? The feeling like no matter where you go or what you do, there is always stuff just buzzing around in your head that doesn't seem to want to come out.
I do, all the time lately and it is naturally having consequences whereby I'm seriously considering the things that I'm committed to because when I commit to something, it's an all-or-nothing arrangement.
Take writing on here, I discovered last week that partly the reason that I like to write so much in both my journal & on my blog is because I'm trying to tell my life story.
But what if I told you that there was another reason?
Before My Head Explodes
What if I said that I felt I literally had to write stuff down like this or else I feel like my head will explode?
Does that make sense to you?
You know? You are trying to keep track of everything from your responsibilities as a home-maker if you, like me, live on your own whilst at the same time juggling those ever present hopes and dreams for the future that you're having.
Well I'm going through a period of trying at the moment whereby it feels like nearly every day I'm at breaking point in terms of what I can hold onto in my mind.
I know it is at this point that I lay things down as and when they occur at the cross of Jesus for Him to deal with, but there come times where even that doesn't feel sufficient.
It is these moments that I have recently discovered are key because how I handle these moments is an indication of whether God really is Lord over whatever situation it is that just won't seem to leave your mind alone.
Sufficiency vs. Insufficiency
I could tell you a bizzarro dream/nightmare that I had last night but it wouldn't do me any good except it highlighted just how my crush has sunk its way deep down into my subconscious mind.
In fact, I often like to think that the stuff we dream about is the residue of unresolved or over-obsessed issues that either need to be dealt with or laid to rest.
Think about the last time you dreamt that you were in your office, or your place of work at a time when you were due to go back there the following day.
It felt like you never really left, didn't it?
Believe you me, I know the feeling because the fact that I spend so much time thinking about my crush and how I'm handling it, it often forces me to admit at times that the crush is crushing me.
The reality is, though, that as I've already said before God is still on the throne and God still is Lord over all that I go through!
Yet still I get upset because there's so much I want to say, but cannot say right now, not until I get to know her better.
I don't really care what you think upon reading this because it's my adventure that I'm on and God's signs are all pointing at me to "keep going" and "see where this road takes me", yet still I find it hard at times because my gaze shifts more than I would like to my problem.
I have to keep wresting it back upon Jesus, back upon my cross time and again and often find myself saying that God can take these feelings away the moment they get in the way of my walk with Him!
Whether they do or not is something that only I will know because, whilst cancelling my "Crush" series was essential, it still doesn't stop me from addressing it in the renewed light that God is more than enough for whatever I face.
Therefore, He is more than enough for me in this crushing time that I'm walking through every single day both now and forevermore.
Final Thought
I know you're probably screaming (ED - do you think they care that much?!) at me to tell her already, but I'm not prepared to do that, not yet.
It is not time...
Time enough for that will come eventually!
What I absolutely have to keep doing is to keep recognising when those moments come up that my eyes are drifting onto my feelings and get them back to where they belong... Almighty God!
He, as I've re-iterated time and again, is more than enough for me in this situation so He should be more than enough for me going forward.
Do I feel better having written this? Somewhat, but it still doesn't change the fact that my feelings for a certain person haven't changed, not... one... bit! ;-)
If you're out there, then let me post a song that I posted a while back and I'll tell you that I'll keep praying every day that you "make it to me", hon':-
I'm going to do the only thing... the only that I know how to do right now; P.U.S.H!
Peace out!
No comments:
Post a Comment