WARNING: The following post contains themes of a nature which may contain triggers for some. This is fair warning so if you proceed to the end of this post and get burnt by the issues raised then don't say that you were not warned!
---TLP---
Hello everyone!
This post pretty much sums things up for me at the moment as the reverse breakthrough I experienced last week has pretty much led to me feeling a complete contrast to how I was feeling then. But guess what? I'm not surprised anymore because, in case you didn't know, I struggle with depression & anxiety.
It's an issue that regular readers of my blog will know all about...
To go from the swing of glorious last week, to this where honesty, I want to drink myself stupid show that life is not always about the upswings but about the downswings as well. I've already written that it is what you do in those moments of "downswing", per se, that can affect how long you stay in that funk.
It only took until recently for me to start realising that these emotions that I'm going through are just a simple side-effect of what I'm going through and nothing more. Nothing more. Now, for me to say "simple" is an inadvertent attempt to downplay what it is that I am going through, namely the struggle to keep a healthy thought pattern ongoing.
In these moments I start to recognise that there are "pivots"; points where I can go down an unhealthy path in my thoughts. This is often counterbalanced by a reminder that things are fixed at this moment and there's not a great deal I can do about them.
Sometimes, like right now, it feels like I'm being stretched too thin over life itself and it just makes me want to give up altogether and not want to be alive, full stop.
Recognise the Lies
I always made it a point of mine to encourage fellow depression sufferers that read this that what you are going through is not the end; it's a trick that our condition likes to play upon our bodies that the way it is, is the way it will always be in this life.
NOPE!!!
I, at least, recognise now that just because I am so far from being "on it" right now, it won't be like this forever.
When will it go away?
I don't know and, in all honesty, I could very well be dealing with this for the rest of my life and when it gets as bad as it is right now, where I just want to get a knife and cut out the offending emotions from within me, I have to try and fix those "pivots" to something that is far bigger than myself.
This is where I choose God.
He was there first.
He's here with me today.
He will be with me at the end and beyond.
Final Thought
People don't often understand what it is that I am walking with, even though they try to, so I have to bear with them and extend grace because they are going to say, and do, some really stupid things!
But that's because they don't know the path that I am walking on because they are not me.
I can't hate them for it, even if I do want to drive a two-by-four into their skulls at times (again, a side-effect of my condition as it's simply irrational to think like that), what I do have to do is create an atmosphere of grace. This is so that they know that they can be themselves when they are around me and I won't think any less of them if they screw up.
Newsflash... I screw up, and, in all honesty, I feel like I am a screw up, right now. But again, I recognise that this is a broken thought process that I'm duped into believing about myself.
Peace... and duct-tape!
===TLP===
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