It's the Most... Wonderful Time of the Year?

Hi there, everyone!

I hope you're having a great Christmas & are making plenty of memories that'll stay with you for a long time yet!

If not, then this post is for you...

Christmas Festivities

Hello everyone!

As it has become apparent now, I have decided to put myself on exile from social media for a third time as, yet again, I found it getting in the way of my walk with God.

Instead, I wanted to take a quick look at what Christmas means to me...

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I hope that this festive season brings you joy and all that you could hope for.

Between now and new year, I'll make a couple of posts on here with some festive thoughts, especially as it's not always a positive time for some.

Keep it real!

Shattered Silence

Hello everyone!

I've sat on this for a while now, but it's time to open up about the damage it's doing to me.

I'm done with the warnings now, you should know about the tone I can take when things are going not so great.

We'll they're not going so well right now...

Break Down the Walls

Hello everyone!

It's been a long time since I wrote on here, isn't it?

Ever since I met up with Paul, one of the leaders at church, I didn't react in a way that was, ultimately, helpful to my faith walk. To have it suggested that I have switched desire for a relationship with God for a relationship with a young lady is erroneous.

But, that is just one person's opinion based on one chat...

Change is Coming

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your patience during my 2 month absence. I've been working through some really complicated stuff regarding my feelings for a certain person.

At this point, I am delighted to tell you that my feelings still haven't changed and I'm still quite barmy about her! :-P

To quote a song:-

"She's so love-ly, she's so love-ly!"

I'm also looking at pushing through some changes to the blog in the near future so be ready for more content.

Change is coming!

All Blog Posts Suspended

Hi everyone!

It gives me no pleasure to do this, but after what was talked about last week, most of which I'm not happy about, I am hereby enacting a 21 day post embargo whilst I get a few things straightened out on a personal level.

I'm OK, I just need time away from my blog for a while.

TLP

60 Seconds of Faith Suspension

Hi everyone!

I'm afraid that my laptop has been made into a brick thanks to Microsoft's "Anniversary Update" last night and, maybe, my own careless nature in response, lol! :-D

Until further notice, therefore, my broadcast is hereby confirmed as suspended.

In the meantime, I'm going to be working extra hard on the weekly devotional content so you can rest easy knowing that the content won't stop coming at weekends.

---TLP---

The Line Must Be Drawn Here! This Far, No Further!

Sloane: Jean-Luc, blow up the damn ship!!

Picard: NO! NOOOOOOOOO!!! [smashes a display case in anger; Both pause, shocked] I will not sacrifice the Enterprise. We've made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again! The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they've done!

taken from the motion picture Star Trek: First Contact

Wow!

I have just returned from a chat with another friend, Paul, who with hindsight gave me the reality check that I needed as I've been swamped by certain, um, feelings lately.

I could go into detail about what was said and about why it was so profound, but here is NOT the place for it...

God-Ordered Steps are THE BEST Steps to Take! Part II

Sometimes, you gotta know when to say enough's enough! You know? When you realise that you've tried for so long doing the same thing different ways and expecting results yet nothing seems to be changing? Well that's the stage I'm at with this crush! I don't blame her. It's not her fault that I feel what I feel. I just feel like saying "enough's enough" & letting God handle this the way He would, because I can't consciously try to do anything when I'm around her!

S.R. Cook - Thoughts on a Crush

Hey everyone!

It's funny how things turn out!

This afternoon I met up with some friends of mine for a bit of a birthday bash. Luckily I got more in attendance than I did cancellations, which is always a bonus.

I couldn't get away, all afternoon and most of the evening, though, from the thought of what if she was there...?

What if she was there?

What would I have done then?

Dodged a Bullet? I Think So!

I think the closest answer that I can come up with right now is that I seriously would, probably, have lost my s... my nerve and blown it open then and there!

Cr@p!

I constantly ask myself what in hell I am getting into with this.

I never even planned for this...

I never even wanted this to happen this year; I just wanted to focus on my walk with God!

It's not her fault!

No, I don't blame her!

It's just one of those things... circumstances have lined up the way they did and I still feel the way I did when I first saw her!

I could tell you about a little experiment that I did that proved my feelings have not changed one bit, but I need to bring some focus in here!

Focusing Back on God When it Matters Most

Let me start with what the Apostle Paul said when God told him that his weaknesses were a chance for Him to show true strength in his life: -

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough - always available - regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9a (AMP) emphasis added

Wow!

That's why I chose the Amplified Version for this because it says that God's power is "completed and shows itself most effectively in your weakness". Now, I know I've taken the obvious route and mentioned this when talking about my crush.

The reality is that I do feel weak when I am around her. She is: -

• the deactivate code for my personal defence alarms; and
• the code that lowers my defence screen etc...

I could go on and on mentioning other things that my feelings for her do to me...

The point is that they frickin' disarm me!

I'm not used to that!

NOBODY has ever made me feel that before; disarmed!

The reality is all that I know is that: -

• I go so incredibly shy when I'm around her; and
• My world has been known to literally shake the more I'm around her

So just taking this verse and applying it to myself, to my situation shows me that God can and will help me through this. He is gracious in helping me deal with it for this long & in this way where I can barely be in the same place as her for too long without going stir crazy.

In fact, it pushes me to make declarations like the one I've made at the top of today's post.

What I want to get across to you is what Paul said after that: -

Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] dwell in me.

2 Corinthians 12:9b (AMP) emphasis added

He said he would boast in all those things that made him weak???

Why?

Because he recognised that as he did that, he was admitting to God and to the world that there were situations that he couldn't handle; that he was not perfect and needed a Perfect God to help Him!

If I have to spell this out, I will: -

As if the opening statement didn't spell it out; I am hereby washing my hands of the ability to actually do anything about my crush in the hope that this... this... THIS RIGHT HERE is the very thing that God needs me to do in order to see His will done in this area of my life. I wash my hands of the ability to do anything about speaking to her. I can't do anything about it. But He can!

I'm trying not to be defeatist about all of this, but it's not easy. Not when I just want to say that this is without my reach, but yet there is a part of me that knows that this is well within God's power at work through me!

I believe, then, that I'll get to a point one day where I look back at all this and realise why I've been through what I've been through this year.

Final Thought

I could ramble on some more, but I've done enough of that and I wasn't even planning on using my crush as fodder, but it's just an easy target right now because it's the biggest thing that I struggle with these days.

Maybe one day, I'll get through this!

Until then, trusting God's ordained steps for my life, I will!

60 Seconds of Faith - Episode #0056

Hello everyone!

I can safely say that I have definitely recovered from my bout of melancholy earlier in the week. In fact, I have been taking great efforts to remind myself of the direction that God has called me in.

It's a recap on the steps He's ordered me to take, you could say...

Social Media Hiatus II

Hi everyone!

I need not say more than this as, after yesterday's post hit me hard, I have decided to take another sabbatical from social media.

This is necessary when I felt, after viewing that clip I linked to from The Revenant, that I needed to make the change now before things got out of hand. Social media, at this stage, has, I have been feeling, been getting in the way of my walk with God.

I am glad that God is walking right by my side in this because I know that I will make it through this.

Don't worry, I'll still be writing my way through this on here though! :-)

---TLP---

God-Ordered Steps are THE BEST Steps to Take!

Hello everyone!

Okay, let's get this out of the way.

If you saw the original post of this week's episode you will know that I made a very startling revelation that I was done with this crush of mine.

The reality of the situation is that, whilst my feelings have not altered one bit for this person, what I am prepared to do has. Now, when I say "what I'm prepared to do", I am referring to how much pressure I can put myself under sometimes just to say hi to her.

What I have to do at this point is that make sure my steps are ordered by God and not by my feelings, which I am in danger of doing right now...

A God Ordained Plan

God definitely ordained that this would happen on this exact date at this exact time, so the fact that it has not come as a surprise to Him means that it is happening for a reason.I am just in the process of letting it all float to Heaven and be dealt with as only Heaven would allow it to be dealt with.

The only thing that I know right now is that I need some space from all of this because all the tears that I've cried have proven to me how deeply fond I've grown of this person. But my powerless nature to actually be able to do anything about it is quite unlike me, as anybody who knows me can tell you.

I'm a man of action!

God guiding my steps is something I have come to rely upon so much this past year since this crush broke for me, but I have gotten to the point right now where this song really rings true for me: -

Yes I DO Just Want You, Jesus

In saying "I came for You" it was simply my way of reminding myself why I go to church every week; there are people who are in a far worse state than me that need to be shown that Jesus is their answer to the question they have not yet asked!

Combine that song with this one and let's see what you've got: -

So, first is your reminder that there are others that need help just as much as you do...

Secondly, we should in reality be declaring that we just want Jesus & nothing else as I raised recently in my "Back to the Start" series of postings. In doing that we are in fact saying that nothing ever has the right to define either who we are or what we do: -

Someone may say, “I’m allowed to do anything,” but not everything is helpful. I’m allowed to do anything, but I won’t allow anything to gain control over my life.

1 Corinthians 6:12 (GW) emphasis added

Is my point coming across yet?

Yes, to be bold for a moment, I am completely potty about her, but the reality of the situation is that if she feels not the same then I have to move on!

I would like for it to be that she does feel something, but I cannot force what is not there now, can I?

Final Thought

As I bring this week's devotional to a close, I am left somewhat melancholic, if you can just humour me for a moment. Having had my crush broken, I now await to see what happens later on today at church and with it, probably the next time that I'll actually see her!

Time alone will tell, won't it?

Peace out!

60 Seconds of Faith - Episode #0055

Hello everyone!

I hope you are all enjoying your week, especially as the weather is good this late in September!

I must admit that I'm taking the latest rejection on the job front harder than I'd like, but that's what happens when a potentially life-changing opportunity goes south. Oh well, at least God is still on the throne!

This week's episode sees me looking at how God orders our steps...

Maastricht Off!

Well, that was unexpected!

Earlier today, I received an email from Manpower regarding the Mercedes vacancy.

Long story short, they've got candidates that more closely match what they are looking for... well spit, guess I'm not going anywhere then, for now!

TLP

Back to the Start II - I'm Giving You My Heart

Caution: The following post may contain triggers for some people that provoke a reaction so please be advised to read on with some caution. You have been fairly warned! - TLP

Hello everyone!

Apologies for the delay in writing this one, I've been a little apprehensive at tackling this, especially knowing that I'm likely to be delving deep, deep into the crush zone (ED - as opposed to the crash zone!) again in a way I've not done so for a long time.

I've made it known time and again that I'm not really bothered what people think of me talking about my personal situation so freely on here, but I have to accept at least some of the risk at tackling a subject that has been limping me now for the better part of a year...

My Crushing Focus

I recently made mention of it on social media & whilst I will never use the word crush on there like I do on here, I will at least be open and honest to say that things are not quite okay at the moment because of how deeply this has gone for me.

This is, in part why I've come up with this two part series looking at what it means to dial your faith back to its most basic setting of believing that God sent His Son to save you and that you have been fully redeemed because of it and that's it.

So the phrase "even though I limp", should really be translated as "even though I crush"...

Naturally I have to, at this point, tackle the why of dialling your faith back to basics, because I need to make sure my point gets across effectively and fully.

I have mentioned in both episodes now that oftentimes it could be that which helps give you the confidence and gets you through to the other side of your situation.

Watch this, if you are stating that you believe that Jesus saved you & you stand redeemed first, over and above your situation, then where is your focus?

On Heaven!

What Are You Dealing With?

But if you forever say "I deal with this addiction" or "I struggle with this sin" what are you focusing on?

You are focusing on your problem at hand!

Where the mind goes the man (ED - or woman!) follows!

I've told you how crushing on someone impacts me so deeply these days that it makes me emotional, it in turn makes me cry, which means I have to be in A1 condition & on tippy-top form to try and spot those triggers when & preferrably before they come!

It's not always easy, because of how strongly & how deeply I have grown fond of this person over time.

What I did not realise though, was that as much as I might be liking this person, the fact that I was prepared to say to my friend Matt that it doesn't get the right to define me, I don't give it the right to was something that was in fact me fulfilling scripture without even realising it: -

Someone may say, "I'm allowed to do anything," but not everything is helpful. I'm allowed to do anything, but I won't allow anything to gain control over my life.

1 Corinthians 6:12 (GW) emphasis added

I became too focused on Jesus & on living out His calling for my life that I would not let it get on top of me to even realise that I was doing that!

My god it tried, oh... my god, how it tried!

All the times I cried because I want to tell her but cannot do so yet because it is not time to...

All the frustration I felt at being swamped by a wave of affection for this person...

How Perfectly Our Hearts are Made for Love!

Yet here I am, still standing as strong as I've ever been before with my #HeartofaChampion beating strong in my chest as hard as ever!

It's true, I like this young lady a whole heckuva heap (ED - as if he hasn't said that enough already!) but because of my lack of experience in the relationship arena, I have been forced to lean less and less upon myself & more and more upon God & on His strength!

What did I come to realise?

I'll tell you what I came to realise...

I realised that the more that I leaned on Christ, the more I saw that this was all supposed to happen from the very beginning of my life!

God knew I would get this far, see this person and react the way I have done!

If I can just be brave for a moment...

It is just like an angel has descended from heaven and become trapped in human form! :-)

I'm almost struck dumb each time I'm around her in fact!

I don't mean for it...

I don't plan for it...

It just... sorta... um... happens! :-D

But the point is, I have to say that the more and more I leant on God something started to happen; my faith started to increase as I became resilient to the pressure of the crashing tidal wave of affection that I feel for this person!

I observed something additional too through a message from Pastor Steven Furtick (ED - he cannot find the message right now, but if I do then I'll upload the link to it because it's my job to!) that I watched sometime ago; that God can still use me even then so I needn't stay at home so much!

I'll tell you all this for free... I want to throw my arms around this person every time that I see her and give her a big, almighty hug!

I want to be that close to her! ;-)

I realised something else too...

In spite of the weakness that I feel when I am around her, God can still take me by the hand and lead me on to my destiny!

#BOMBSHELL

Final Thought

I didn't see that coming, but am I glad I watched that message now or what!

It was sown in the ground to be constantly referred to during this period of intense crushing upon her, reminding me that even though my faith is currently seeing me wrestle with this, I am starting to walk differently, exactly as my Pastor said I would on Sunday as I started a wrestle of faith.

Though I am starting to limp with it every single day because I almost cannot stop thinking of her, it won't stop me from being everything that God has created me to be!

Peace out!

60 Seconds of Faith: Episode #0054

Hi everyone!

It's the second part of last week's message this week, so if you haven't caught up yet, then do so by clicking here.

Done?

Alright then here's this week's episode...

This weekend, I'll be going into some more detail about going back, mentally, to that point where we say we are saved & that we believe God has a plan for our lives.

I expect this part will involve some further discussion about my crush & how I'm learning to evolve through it, so be advised; this one could get heady like the finest of wines! ;-)

As always, watch the skies, bro's!

The Life of... Stuey

Hi everyone!

My plan was originally to play The Sims 2 for a little bit tonight before jumping into the bath, but as it happens my priorities are shifting these days as I've just put my heart into a post on Facebook with a follow-up on here because, well, I'm in that kind of mood.

Settle in for a long 'un because I want to bring you up-to-date with what's been going on in my life lately...

Back to the Start - Where You Found Me

Hi readers!

How's everyone doing today?

Good I hope. I know I am!

I could respond now by telling you why I'm doing so good, but I won't because I'm going to let today's post be proof enough of the reason for the upturn in my recent mood...

60 Seconds of Faith - Episode #0053

Hello everyone!

I hope you've had a productive week because I know I have!

Naturally, as productive as I have been, I've also been making sure that I'm taking plenty of time to enjoy this late-summer sun because we don't know how long it will last! :-P

This week I'm looking at, to quote my words in this week's broadcast, the power of going back to the start...

Dis/Obey - The Price For NOT Doing What You're Told

Hi everyone!

I realised that there was that much to come out of this particular subject that I'd better split it up into two parts!

Before you read this one, let me encourage you to go back and read the first part...

Okay, now let's continue on with this week's topic; disobedience.

You might be wondering why I've chosen Jacob & Esau when there were other Bible characters I could have chosen.

Convincing Persuasion

Jacob has just convinced Esau to trade his birthright because Esau had just come in from a hunt and was no doubt ravenous!

It's his response I want you to look at: -

"When a man is dying of starvation, what good is his birthright?"

Let's start off, like I always do, by defining birthright: -

A right that you have because you were born into a particular position, family, place, etc

Wow!

So Esau was willing to give up all that was meant to be his as firstborn, all because he was... HUNGRY?!

Have you ever done something so stupid when you're hungry that you think back on it afterwards and realise that you were only hungry, for goodness sake (ED - I think that's where the word 'hangry' was created!)?!

I know I have!

It involved a wine glass getting broken and no I didn't throw it; I just kinda, sorta, washed it a little bit too hard! :-D

What I'm pointing out here is that oftentimes rationality is the first thing that gets thrown out of reasonable thinking the moment our problems come.

Why that is I do not know, but as I'm sure many of you readers can appreciate (ED - even if you haven't smashed a glass or two in the process!) that a temporary retaliation or lack of thought can often have lasting impacts.

This is why I can't be at our after hours at the moment; whilst I work through my crush and the effect that this wonderful young lady is having upon me. I need space & I need time to pray about this whole thing and to keep seeking God!

So, one act of disobedience, selling Esau's birthright, was something that he should not have done.

But watch this, Jacob was not going to be so innocent after all... and he had Rebekah's help too in verses five to seven of chapter 27: -

But Rebekah overheard the conversation. So when Esau left for the field to hunt for the venison, she called her son Jacob and told him what his father had said to his brother.

His own mother convinced him to trick her husband into stealing Jacob's blessing by going to make his favourite dish. But he protests saying that Isaac won't be fooled so easily because Esau was, and I paraphrase loosely, a very hairy (ED- it's true though, you only have to read the story for yourself!) dude!

Rebekah then makes him clothing to disguise himself as his own brother; talk about deceptive & all for the sake of one blessing!

Don't Give Up When You Could Be So Close!

Thing is, that one blessing would supersede so much more than someone's life; it would see them prosper in whatever they did after their 'blessing' parent died, or so they believed.

What I'm pointing out here is that what started out as Jacob bribing Esau into giving up his birthright, ended up in him stealing another thing that should have been Esau's in the first place; his father's almost deathbed blessing!

There! Right there!

The point I'm trying to make is that if you disobey once, or even dally with disobedience, it will often have lasting effects & consequences that will drag other people into it whether you mean to or not!

#BOOM

Final Thought

Let me encourage you then, if you need a little help on knowing how to make wise decisions that you watch this message from Dr. Charles Stanley, one of my all time favourite ministers: -

I love the work this guy is doing; it's so down to earth yet so powerful as to cut right through the nonsense straight to the heart of the matter!

Before I go today, let me encourage you to do the following when it comes to making a decision: -

1. First, not last, get God's input;
2. Get the input of someone Godly that you can trust to tell you like it is not like you want it to be, or like you want to hear it; and
3. Take that first step!

Trust me, you're not going to regret it! :-)

Yes, we're all going to have moments where we disobey God, but let's try to keep the interference to a minimum so that we'll know the signs to look out for, such as failing to seek God in our daily walks, in order to limit the times we're tempted to disobey.

Watch the skies!

Dis/Obey - The Price For Doing What You're Told

Hi everyone!

I've left this one intentionally a little bit late because I wanted some extra time to prepare the content. Although, to be honest, prepare is only a loose term when it comes to writing these because in actual fact I'm just pushing keys on my laptop hoping that what comes out makes sense.

All the while trying to overcome my intense shyness around a certain person, which doesn't seem to be getting any easier, by the way...

60 Seconds of Faith: Episode #0052

Wow, it's September already folks!

Soon be Christmas, eh?

Sorry, too soon?! :-P

It does not seem long since I started my series on the account of creation in these devotionals, yet here we are on this journey called life, hopefully learning and growing together...

Maastricht - The Next Step

Well, I've sent off my motivation letter along with my CV now along with my choice of two jobs I'd like to apply for!

God has this now so I can just rest and see what happens...

Next stop Skype interview!

TLP

Our Praise Goes Up...

Hello!

Last week I looked at the immense power in one word, miracles, so this week I want to take a look at what our proper response should be when it comes to recognising those moments of wonder working power where God has come through...

60 Seconds of Faith - Episode #0051

Welcome to the end of another working week everyone!

I hope yours has been productive because I know mine has, due to the fact that I've been recording a few episodes of my broadcast to, again, get ahead of myself so that I can start putting in the proper preparation to the accompanying weekend devotionals.

This week I'm going to look at our, or what should be, natural response to the miracle working power of God...

A Change Will Do You Good II: Further Musings

Hello everyone!

As I write this, I'm currently listening to Luciano Pavarotti's rapturous rendition of Nessun Dorma and it gets to me every time because so many have tried to capture the emotion of this piece, but so few have hit it the way he did!

Anyways, I wanted to share some more thoughts on yesterday's post about a potential job opportunity in Holland...

A Change Will Do You Good

Hello everyone!

I'm just tapping this update out on my phone's browser because I can't really be bothered with firing up my laptop to do this.

It's been a while since I just wrote about whatever was on my mind, hasn't it?

I must admit from a recent admission I made in my own personal journal that I'm facing a life changing opportunity in the job market and it, naturally, is giving me a lot to think about...

Choices, Choices, Choices!

Simply put, if I make it through both stages of the process, I'll be moving out of the country.

For how long? Indefinitely as it stands.

It's in Maastricht, Holland, or as those in the know will remember the home town of my favourite violinist and conductor; André Rieu...

The job itself is something I have done before, but the real cushty nature of it is that it will be working for a very, VERY prestigious company!

Who that is with I'm not saying just yet, but it's funny what happens when you get your focus sorted; God's blessings of immeasurable proportions hunt you down and catch up with you!

I know what you're thinking, in fact it's the very same thought I've been having every day now:-

What about your crush?

Harsh Reality

It's harsh but I'm faced with, if successful, the choice between telling her before I go and not telling her. It's that simple.

It's still early days yet, because I've only just expressed an interest in applying, but it still doesn't stop the thought from chasing me down and getting me to look at IT instead of at God!

I know that, whatever I decide, God has my back, it is just a shame that there is no right answer between taking the job and not.

It came as a shock to one of my friends who I don't think saw it coming and, if I'm honest, appears to think I'm daft for even considering it.

But it's not about them, is it? This is a chance to work for a highly prestigious company that could forever alter my career prospects.

Final Thought

I, well, you could say that I don't know what to do but I think it all ties in with what my friend, Matt, said to me the other day:-

Yep, there isn't a 'wrong' answer, God will be with you no matter what so you don't really have anything to lose. I think often times God is quite happy for us to choose what we want to do. He has given us free will after all.

Wow!

That's the kind of friendship I need right now, isn't it?

Until next time...

60 Seconds of Faith - 50th Episode Special!

So here we are!

Fifty episodes in and today I've got a special surprise for you all as this week I'm going to be looking at the power of miracles in a believer's life!

Through this five minute episode, I'm hoping you will get a glimpse into why miracles are not only relevant but they are to be expected as we live our daily lives with Jesus.

Enjoy: -

The Old Identity Part II - The Rest You Take With You

Well, last week's devotional was certainly a bold one, wasn't it?

I'm getting used to this new expression of my writer's voice, I must say, because, ever since my "social media reboot" experiment, I have been posting nothing but, nothing but, nothing but stuff about God and what He's doing in me!

I'm not saying, by any means, that I'm super spiritual now, just that I am trying to be oh so careful what I let stick to me, as I described in the last post...

60 Seconds of Faith - Episode #0049

Hello everyone!

Well, I've had some potentially life-changing news this week, or at least it will be if I have myself put forward!

I won't share just what it is at this moment in time because I need some time to think upon this. As a decision, this will have (ED - not it potentially, it will!) life-changing consequences, so if you pray I'd appreciate it and if you don't, then as always send good vibes my way, because this has frickin' awesome potential!

When God moves, He moves!

Anyways, it's Friday so you know what that means...

The Old Identity Part I - Leaving Your Baggage Behind

Hello everyone!

First of all, let me apologise for leaving this posting so late because it's normally up by now.

I'll level with you and say that I'm struggling somewhat at the moment with an issue I'm really trying to cut down how much I talk about on here because my focus is supposed to be on Jesus and helping you to see that what He's doing is for not just my good, but also the greater good as well!

Onto this week's devotional and the power that is in our baggage...