This Long & Darkened Road

'Ey up, everyone!

I hope you're all having a good weekend so far, I wish I could join you in the land of the pleasant because at the moment I'm feeling fed up!

Why?

Simples, what started off as a simple sounding problem for my car has revealed something else wrong. Unfortunately, that would only have been discovered had I walked down this very path that I have gone down in replacing the car battery effectively controlled & regulated by the alternator.

In replacing the battery, in other words, it revealed something else was amiss, that the battery wasn't the culprit after all, but part of a bigger problem...!

The problem though, as always at the minute, is money because I cannot afford to replace whatever's gone wrong with it, so I again understand why people say they won't learn to drive because the cost is a big long term commitment

I just wish it hadn't happened whilst I'm coming out of my depression, because it's pulling me back in, I feel it like what I'd imagine standing on the edge of a black hole is like for anything trying to escape it. I've been hit again with wave upon wave of negativity and disappointment, which no matter how hard I try, it seems hard to remember all the good things I've said in recent posts and it is hard to keep my focus right where it should be.

In fact, this song from Good Charlotte pretty much sums up the way I'm feeling right now: -

At this point, I'm going to share a verse that I used the last time that I felt like this, all disappointed and devoid of purpose: -

Listen, God! Please, pay attention! Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and cries? King-God, I need your help. Every morning you’ll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend. Psalm 5:1-3

I've not exactly been believing fully that God can work this out for my good, yet He can, I know He can because it is in His nature to do good and only good!

So I guess what I'm saying is that whilst I know that lately I've been mistakenly trying to live by what I "see", it goes against everything I stand for as a Christian because we believe in living by faith and not by sight!

That’s why we live with such good cheer. You won’t see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don’t get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It’s what we trust in but don’t yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we’ll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming. 2 Corinthians 5:6-8

Whatever happens, whether I have to sell the car or not, I'll cope. It's not the end of the world even though it feels like it, admittedly, at the moment.

Oh well, clarity can at least descend upon me for now because I've been feeling so bleak, so alone, so deft of anything that was my joy for living, which shows that, yes, I'm a work in progress.

If you pray, then can I ask you to pray for me in this time. That I make the right choices. That I keep my eyes open to all the goodness that is around me and crucially, that I don't give up hope! ;)

I'm no better than you guys and girls that read this blog, whoever you are. I don't claim to be, we're only on this rock one time round so I'd rather live it with many than die it alone.

Peace out!