The Battle is Not Ours (Redacted Edition) - Walking Through Ice to Get Through the Fire

ATTN: Due to a sudden change of heart, the original predecessor to this post has hereby been redacted out of respect for the lady in question. Thank you for your continued readership. TLP

Well,

If you read part one of this post, then good for you, but out of respect for the lady in question, I have hereby taken the decision to redact the preceding information because some things should just be kept between two people.

All the Memories in a Photograph

I've been awake since 4:51am this morning (but I'm so... freakin... WIRED right now!!! :D), pondering over a certain situation and how it's going to pan out for me. To put it straight, today, at the earliest available convenience I'm going to speak to a certain lady I've been wanting to to speak to for tiiiime!

I've taken it onboard as something that I just have to do... to tell her that, however lame this sounds (and believe you me, it does sound extremely lame to me to admit this!), I have been wanting to come over and say 'hi' to her, but out of a really bad case of shyness I haven't been able to build up the courage.

Alright, alright, I'll hear the accusations of 'coward' and roll with them, because what I've put is true. It sounds so silly to me when I admit this on the screen like this, but it's the truth.

I have allowed myself to not approach her simply because of how... dare I say this... beautiful she is.

I recently compared it to a mixture of respect and shyness, but it's not, it's pure shyness! :(

Please, I can hear the laughter from here, cease and desist for a minute.

What I put in the first part was as true a confessional (ED - information that's now been redacted!) as I'd ever put and, since it's the vein of form I'm in, right now I'm here to declare that this 'battle' of mine, does not in fact belong to me, but God.

Beauty That Cripples Hearts

I want to ask how someone's beauty can cripple a heart? But I swear to you if you'd have seen this person, you'd understand!

But wait a minute, let us not get ahead of ourselves, we have not yet spoken... I shall keep both eyes open and all clean & clear to see what happens!

DANG IT!!!

It is at points like this where I have to remind myself that God is right here with me in this situation. He's told me to follow my heart and I'll know what to do, hence why I've just got to screw up what's left of my courage and just approach this lady.

What happens, though, the moment that I admit that this battle is not mine?

The responsibility for the outcome leaves my hands, that's what!

I then only become responsible for my part in the dialogue and it is up to God what happens from here on out.

What it has done is forced me to stare down these skeletons that I have mentioned and when I say stare them down, I've looked them right in the eyes and do you know what? It was the scariest thing I've done, admitting that these skeletons are the result of situations and how I've reacted to them in the past and held on to the resulting debris all this time.

But guess what? The moment that I acknowledged their existence, they could no longer hide and it was between God & me to help exorcise them. They were slowly being pulled into the Light.

So do you see what I'm saying? The moment I acknowledge their existence (just like movies depict those exorcisms, if you'll pardon my usage of that term!), they have no power, no hold and no authority over me anymore.

This is where a song like this comes in: -

"Fear doesn't live hear no more" - Now that's a statement I need to get a hold of because I am just so scared beyond belief as to what she'll say when I tell her that my own shyness has prevented me from coming over and saying 'hi'.

Is that lame? It feels lame! :(

I'd almost wonder why I'm pouring my heart out like this on screen when I should be to friends... well guess what, sucka, I have done that!

My amazing friend Pete has been drawing me from my shell! :)

So in losing the power, these skeletons get drawn further and further into the Light until WHAMMO! Gone they are!

And that's what I feel happened last night!

Is it sad to admit that I actually cried tears of... well, fear for the outcome? You know? Fear that I'll do something stupid, fear that I'll say something stupid etc etc...

That is how deep my conviction is for getting this right first time because you only get ONE chance to make a first impression!

Final Thought

So bro's, if you take anything away from this week's devotional, take away the fact that the transitional power of shifting your cares and concerns onto the cross of Jesus can change lives.

What will I be writing about after today? Who knows, brother!

But I've got a sneaking suspicion that, after today, I'll never be the same again...

Peace off!