Following on from my last post talking about the little things in life making me who I am today, I wanted to follow it up by saying that I'm beginning to find it getting easier to just be open and honest and say "look, this is me, if you don't like it, there's the door".
So stay and hang around, or don't...
Adventures of a Young Adult Casting Ghosts
Today's little adventure consisted of a trip to Ashton-Under-Lyne, somewhere I haven't been since my car packed in & somewhere I always usually like to go because of all the memories it conjures up for me. From trips with my mum, to trips by myself, Ashton's always kind of a special place for me.
I'm impressed to see that it too is benefiting from some reinvestment for regeneration, just like Oldham, my home town and I'm curious to see what it'll be like when the market centre opens again. I've seen an artist's impression and what can I say except I'm impressed... yet again, though, it's another one that's going to benefit from a 'water feature', something it seems a lot of centres are doing these days.
Anyways, I came home bearing gifts again, this time a new lamp for myself along with a model projection thingy that casts the stars onto the ceiling, dammit what's the name for one of those...?!
So my winter nights are taken care of as I downgrade from using my main light to the lamp/projector thingy, the colder the nights get and the more they draw in.
Geez, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to Christmas this time around!
Last time, I was just too busy to enjoy even a fraction of the Christmas films I love to watch at that time of year, well, NEVER AGAIN!!!
Oh yeah, I also managed to pick up a DVD of the ICC Twenty20 World Cup from 2010 for a bargain price of £1... I'll tell you what, you keep your football, give me cricket any day, bee-hatch! :D
Also, I managed to pick up two more films for my collection: -
"Centurion" starring Michael Fassbender who, in my mind, goes up with every film he does.
Secondly, I bought "I Fought the Law" with Kiefer Sutherland which, for some reason, I cannot find a trailer for.
Is it that cheap?
Is it that bad?
It only cost me 10p!
It's times like these where I oft wonder what to put next, but the simple fact is that today, just like yesterday and the day before it, was designed to keep me outside of myself so that I don't retreat into full isolation.
I said I was seeking time away from my memory palace and yes, I may have said I seek isolation right now, but not the kind that has me sat at home dwelling on the 'what-ifs' and being all melancholy, something that is a bad habit I need to stop doing so much.
Especially having recently come through my battle with depression relatively unscathed.
That Finger Rips Old Wounds
My friend, Paul, cautioned me that Satan would try and stick his finger into the old wound of my depression to try and fool me into thinking that it hasn't gone away and that it's still here.
'Stick his finger into the old wound' - that's exactly what this life feels like; as though someone's sticking a red hot poker into my wounds to try and bleed them again.
It hurts.
I want to cry...
I want to bleed...
Sometimes I wanna die...
But I can't.
I must remain strong!
For the sake of my future & my own family's future, when I begin because believe you me, I fully intend to live up to God's word when He said "go forth, be fruitful and multiply"!
Final Thought
I'm not going to lie, that idea of a family really does excite me but there are things I have to go through first in order to get there. May my heart remain on my sleeve as I document my journey on this blog 'til I get there.
For now, I'm just cooking up some soup at the moment for my tea and I'm looking forward to it because I have some cheese & tomato flatbread from Tesco to enjoy with it.
Peace off!
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