What a refreshing change; to find yourself actually not feeling as though you are in the midst of a personal storm of torrential magnitude that you actually can start to plan your escape route out of it!
I'm talking here, of course, about my ongoing battle with depression that keeps trying to return and, as I once said to my friend, use my circumstances as leverage over me.
But like I said yesterday, it's a simple matter of my focus that needs to be challenged every once in a while to remind me that there are people out there who need my help...
Pushing on for Greater Success
Still reminiscing about this past Sunday's 12pm service at church, I have in fact glimpsed what I truly look like as a worshipper of Christ; someone who is not held back by personal circumstances/struggles when he really needs to break free!
I fully intend to repeat it more often now that I have seen just what an impact it can have on not only my perspective of my situation, but also my outlook on life altogether.
I once said to my dad that the way depression is with me it's like looking off into the distance and seeing it hovering there out of the corner of your eye the moment you look away.
Nobody can tell me my struggle with depression is not real or is not severe, despite what someone tried to do to me the other week, because they don't know what I've been through, what I've walked through and more importantly what I'm heading to!
The only thing that I know is that I take each and every day as it comes and try to make the best of it whether it be finishing off FarCry 3 like I did yesterday, writing a brand new theme for my devotional broadcast "60 Seconds of Faith" or blogging on here.
Some of you may have gone by the wayside as I've rambled on and on about a certain, um, crush, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles because, like I always say... this is my blog to talk about what I want to talk about!
Don't like it? Deal with it! :-P
A Perfect Tonic for an Imperfect Life
I find writing like this so very therapeutic and whilst there is hope that, one day, I will return to creative writing, in the meantime I know that I'm making the most of the stuff that's buzzing around in my head. As I've read it back on the screen, you'd be amazed at the amount of times even I have learnt from what I've been saying!
I get the sense that change is coming and a lot of it, some of it I know about and yet some of it, just seems like it's a mystery how it will all unfold!
I could start making special mention of the people that have helped me during this time of darkness and thunderstorms, but I'd rather just say that I'm so lucky to have the people that I have all around me!
Yes, I do get intense at times and I think that just goes to show what an amazing guy I am, if I can be just a tad immodest for a moment, lol, because there's going to be somebody out there who's going to find me amazing for it!
But for now I just say "whatever" and move on because if I start thinking about feelings and thoughts of feelings, I can very well get stuck in the sinking sand trap of self-delusion and self-absorption wondering when things will ever turn around for me.
You see, the thing is that Jesus has to be enough for me before I can ever hope to love another as wholeheartedly as He loves me.
Do you know what? He is.
I can honestly say that today and actually mean it this time, which is a new thing for me because I was so focused on finding the right person that I forgot my First Love even though He never forgot me!
God knows what He's doing, who He's drawing me closer to and that has to be enough for me, it just has to be!
Final Thought
What do I do then but give myself over wholeheartedly to the plan that He's got for me!
All I know is that it starts with my devotional broadcast and goes onto something far, far bigger than even I could have imagined!
I'm going to try and keep my thoughts and feelings for a certain person in perspective going forward. Jesus never promised it would be easy, He did say however that He has conquered the world!
That's enough for me, dude, that's enough for me because I think I'm starting to get a headache from all my computer usage this evening!
Watch the skies!
No comments:
Post a Comment