Turn the Crank (The Point of Freeze)

Hey everyone!

I hope you're enjoying your Friday so far because I... well, I've been better but it's only temporary, it's only a blip so don't you worry about me.

The cause was last night and seeing a certain person again!

It is like I can do all the preparing that I want to do in order to "be the guy", if that even makes sense anymore, yet each and every time I see her, just like last night, it all goes out of the window and I...

The Point of Freeze

Did you like that? A mid-sentence freeze?

That's what this all feels like, I'm living in the gap, or the pause, or the in-between however you want to put it and it does not feel pleasant at all.

God is in control, He is still on the throne, that doesn't change from day to day. What does change is my mood the moment I find myself pulling my eyes off His throne and onto my circumstances. Here I am, a year and almost four months since I first asked this young lady out and still as bats... still she affects me so utterly profoundly, without even doing or saying anything!

Am I crazy or "potty" about her?

It is at this point that I'll put what my friend told me when I explained these feelings to him: -

How long did God take to create the universe?

You might wonder where I'm going with that so I'm going to jump ahead to the conclusion I drew straight from Scripture as to what he was getting at from 2 Peter 3:8: -

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

He was trying to remind me that, if anything happens between us, it will be in God's time and His time does not play out at all like ours.

This is the hardest part, this is the stretching part, this is the faith part because if God has shown me my wedding day, which He has then it is going to happen because He cannot lie just as Paul told Titus in the first chapter of his letter to him: -

...in the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie,promised before the beginning of time...

He is reminding Titus that what God speaks, He fulfils. He reaps what He says. His word always fulfils its purpose as found in Isaiah 55:11-12: -

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You see, if I can be brazenly bold here every time that I see her it is as though a thousand electrodes quite literally explode in my brain leaving me incapable of rendering a coherent thought...

Like someone came along and mixed up my paint pot severely...

Or like me cracking an egg into a frying pan and someone coming along with a whisk to scramble it all up when I wanted a fried egg!

Does that give you a clue with what I am dealing with here?

I get so mixed up around her, so friggin' mixed up that, as much as I might want to say "hi" to her, the words just get lost in the freeze of my shyness.

I've said it before that I will never be ashamed of writing so openly about this anymore because this is my place to say my piece on the struggle I am going through and what God is teaching me through it.

Final Thought

As I stated in a recent post, realising that it all revolves around God's throne, which means that nothing I go through, no tear I shed whilst I almost cry myself to sleep most nights, no ounce of my pain is ever wasted.

My fight today is tomorrow's faith;

My pain today is tomorrow's purpose; and 

My struggle today is tomorrow's story

So even though I've admitted to almost crying myself to sleep on most nights because of this, I'm not ashamed of that because it will become my story that I'll be telling in the years to come how God lifted me every single time that I fell down because of my feelings for her.

Look how He lifted me indeed!