Words & the Damage They Do

Hey everyone!

Words.

A simple, short title like that can mean anything.

The reality is that for many people, the words they use are often used to describe their inner world to those around them. The problem is, though, when you start using words that are actually hurtful and damaging because you are not only risking someone's emotions but also, if left unchecked, a relationship too...

Burning, Lasting Words onto Your Heart

Last night, one of my friends again tried to play the burning martyr on me as he was unintentionally (ED - at least that's what TLP hopes was going on!) playing emotional blackmail with me over recent events.

In short, I was having a difference of opinion to him and, though I'm not going to say what went on, it is a fact of life that people often make the mistake of projecting their own insecurities onto others by the very words that they are using.

Let me put this into context by suggesting that you have likely heard someone say to you, or you might have said something like "you probably think I'm daft for doing this but..." - and I want you to stop and think for a moment just what is that doing to the person seeing those words in a text or hearing them down the phone.

What is that doing, only projecting a response onto somebody that they have not even had yet?

Take me for instance, if I went up to a girl I liked and said "you probably don't like me, but will you go out with me anyway" - I am pre-deciding her response before she's even had chance to say yes or no.

What about that job interview? If I directly ask an employer what are my chances of being hired, I am likely to be brushed off. Whereas if I savvily ask if there were any areas that I missed during interview, it shows willingness to learn and also the perception to change if asked to.

In either case, you are presuming their response before they have even had a chance to hear you out and unfortunately, this particular friend has had a habit of doing this in the past.

Now I've been guilty of it, so don't let me lead you into thinking that I'm casting judgement on him, but when I was directly challenged by someone a long time ago, it made me sit up and take far greater notice of what was going on around me.

The words I use have the power to create a future for me, either good or bad, it just depends what presuppositions or judgements that I am using to do this.

If I'm forever talking lack, negative and burning myself at the stake like a martyr, then what should I expect to receive in return? According to Scripture, in particular Galatians 6:7, it is exactly what I send out: -

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

So if I am forever talking about what I haven't got and what I am lacking then I should expect to only see more of the same all around me and yet still managed to miss the good things that God is doing every day.

Take my crush, if I for one minute thought that that particular rodeo was all that there was to life then I would be, sadly, missing out on God proving that He is building me into the man of God that will be one day building a ministry as well a household. Also, I would not be in the process of creating a launch trailer for my replacement for "60 Seconds" and a book that I'm in the process of writing.

I would miss the fact that I am lucky to be living in a flat with clean water and food in my cupboards, which some people would be desiring would they have the chance. I would miss the fact that I am living with some safe neighbours that, together, have helped create a "community within a community" mentality as we look out for one another.

I could go on, but I think you can see what I am getting at by now...

Final Thought

Our words can build someone up, or they can pull them down but the reality is that, this week I have been trying really hard to live up to this quote from René Descartes: -

You see, it takes a big man, or woman, to forgive an offense, but it takes an even greater person to go on living as though they were never offended in the first place.

So next time that you are tempted to get offended at what someone has said or done to you, know that it is not their actions that dictate your future, but your response to their actions that does!

Shock, drop & awe!