No Crush Quite Like It

Is karma gonna get me?

At times that's all I see

It's not real

'Drowning' by Stereophonics

That's right, it's crush talk time!

I hope you're finding this beneficial because I am and in finally being able to talk about what I am going through, I am finally able to get closure on so many old wounds, hurts and pain from the past that I had been inadvertently holding onto all these years.

Last time out, I shared a trifecta of postings (ED - find them here, here & here) to give you an update on where I am at today as far as my feelings for this person go.

Do you know what the first thing was that I noticed?

I noticed a striking thing the day after I came away from those postings; I was defining my writing here on The Write Dimension in two ways: -

1. that I was talking mostly about God; and
2. the fact that there's someone I know that I've got a teeny-weeny (sic!) bit of a crush on!

I then started to think that those two labels were things that I was putting upon myself and I wondered if I really wanted them as 'labels'.

Do you know? I was awake for a while Sunday night actually planning on telling her once and for all that I like her. But I won't and I can't because I barely know this person just yet, but there's time, there's time!

Defining Labels as Temporary

This has been pushing me these past few months, pushing me way beyond my boundaries because as I think I've said already, I get incredibly shy whenever I see her.

My friend told me that's because I want to impress her...

You're damn right I do; she's amazing!

But the problem I have is that sometimes, no matter how I try, I'm likely to make more of a prat of myself than I am to impress. I seem to have this knack of making people laugh and can often use it at my own expense, which is not helpful in this instance because I like her...

There I've said it; I freakin' like her!

If you read this and you know me in person then be grateful that I've admitted that because it's a step forward from someone who was more scared of people finding out that he liked someone only weeks ago.

I have been on quite the journey since I admitted to my friend, Peter, that I liked someone at our church. It's been tough and in fact if I'm honest, it feels at times like I've got this augur drill jammed into reverse tearing away at my heart because I cannot tell this person yet that I like her.

Why can't I?

Simple. It's not fair and it is not right to unload a whole heap of emotion on someone that I know so little about. You might think that it is, but from someone who's not got the value of relationship experience behind him, it is not.

God showed me what He did some months ago that have caused me to start going down this path and it's clearly for a reason. I just want to find out what that reason is!

Like I've told one or two people, 2016 is a brand new path for me, I've never been this way before and all I can do is rest on scripture that God is good: -

God You are good and do only good Psalm 119:68 (NLT) emphasis added

Secondly, that God knows what He is doing in allowing this crush to linger for as long as it has: -

Trust in the Lord and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5 (ESV) emphasis added

How does He do that?

By showing me the path to take?

Not always, because just like with me and my crush, it's being allowed to linger yet I don't know why. All that I know is that God told me to keep going, to keep pursuing her and therefore there is some greater good at work here that results in my good whether I end up with her or not.

#BOOM

Facing the Obvious Question

How do I know it was God?

I was thinking about this last night on my way home from GBK in Manchester where I'd been meeting up with our young adults, which was a minor victory for me because I didn't run away and hide my embarrassment at crushing on someone!

I knew it was God that told me to start pursuing this person just like I know it is my lungs that take the air in all the very moments that I breathe.

It was a given fact. A given command. One which I'm glad to say I'm still on course with even if I am battling shyness when I'm around her.

What can I say? She's wonderful! ;-)

Final Thought

Should the day come when she is now reading this, my journey towards her, just know that I'm taking the words of Sam Smith so seriously and praying that you "make it to me" precisely on schedule! ;-)

I've already made it clear that I don't care if people don't agree with me doing this. I have to do it because if I don't I will quite literally burst at the seams because there's so much I want to say to her, so much yet so little time to do so it would seem!

Keep safe!