Hello everyone!
I know some of you might well be concerned for my own safety and wellbeing with how up and down that I have been these past few months, but I want you all to know that I am of a far greater mindset now than I've ever been before.
I've got Planetshakers' "#Let's Go" album going in the background as these letters form words on this post, and I will admit that changing all the music around that I've been listening to has been key to breaking the chains that I was bound by in terms of crushing so heavily on someone that it hurt like an absolute mother!
I've only got one Person to thank for this; Jesus!
Last week, I met up with my most amazing friend, Matt, and got a chance to air a lot of what I've been struggling with in terms of having a crush on someone and what it was doing to me.
Deliverance, Not Judgement
He understood what I was going through and, critically, didn't keep interrupting me or offering off the shelf advice that every Christian should know. His main efforts have been to make sure that my focus comes back to Jesus every time that it drifts away and I'm going to let you in on a little secret now; the reason it was drifting in the first place was I was thinking of my own powerless state when it comes to speaking to this person that I like.
I could start by thinking of her, saying her name aloud and then would immediately proceed to feel so silly because I've been around all this time, she has too, yet I can't barely say more than, um, nothing to her at this present moment!
But last night I went for a couple of drinks by myself and I received a welcome breakthrough; even in my drunken state, I can safely say that what I wrote in my journal proves to me that I am seeking God's kingdom and His will for my life before any crush!
So, hopefully, going forward, you are going to see a change to my writing as I continue to write about what I'm going through but from a newly elevated state of focusing on Jesus & Him alone.
In fact, there's a song I immediately thought of and connect to from "#Let's Go" that I want to link to at this point: -
I Just Want Jesus, That's All!
It is amazing that this song is one of the first one's that I connected with after I purchased this at the Planetshakers' concert they held at my church around 3 weeks ago. It drummed home to me that it doesn't matter whom I crush on when Jesus is my First Love, and always, always will be!
I remember writing, as I enjoyed my Strongbow cider, that above all else, above any search for a girlfriend, I wanted Jesus more and still do!
Naturally, this struck a chord with me because it showed me my true state and the whole reason that I'd come off social media; to re-find myself in Jesus and to find my True North before I make the re-connection in due course.
So if I have finally found my True North again, then maybe my social media hiatus that is currently on its tenth day short of two whole calendar months is almost over!
But don't count on it, because I'm not finished yet!
But don't count on it, because I'm not finished yet!
I never planned to spend this long away, I just knew that, regardless of whoever I encourage through these platforms, I had to do it before I ended up saying something that I'd regret about my crush; it's not a place to confess your feelings at all!
But I'm in a better place today, having decided for the foreseeable future that I will be keeping my time away from the "after hours" that we have been running for a while. I've fallen out with a friend of mine, you see, so didn't go last night because I knew I would say something I'd later regret.
Now, people aren't gong to understand why, but I have to do this because my compass was in danger of shearing away from True North and now that I've found it again, I need to focus on writing on here, writing in my journal, but more crucially, I have to focus on Jesus all the more!
Now, people aren't gong to understand why, but I have to do this because my compass was in danger of shearing away from True North and now that I've found it again, I need to focus on writing on here, writing in my journal, but more crucially, I have to focus on Jesus all the more!
You see, I want Him more than I want a girlfriend, I want Him more than I want a job; more than I want anything, I want Jesus!
Final Thought
I'm likely to revisit this thought this week so keep your eyes fixed here often as I'm really trying to step up my content to encourage not just myself but all my readers as well!
Because, like Glass' wife reminded him as he lay dying in "The Revenant": -
"Whilst there is still breath left in your body, you must fight!"
Until next time, watch the skies!
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