Following directly on from my last post, I wanted to bring some further thoughts that I've been having on this very subject of making the most of both my breakthrough and the fact that I seem to have found my True North once again.
Sometimes, it can be all too easy to get distracted and that, for me, is why I have to make sure that I have the appropriate music on in the background as I write these posts. I've seen where some of the heavier stuff leads me and right now it is not where I need to be going.
Today's choice is the classical pianist Ludovico Einaudi, probably my all time favourite pianist of the modern era, as I try to unpack some more of what I've been talking about lately...
A Modern Classic
You don't have to worry as my posts won't be so heavily reliant on my feelings for my crush anymore, not now I have been delivered from under it in such a way now that I feel it hovering there in the distance, still present, yet still in the distance.
I'm not saying my feelings have changed somehow, just that God has given me a far greater, and healthier, perspective to have on the whole situation. I still am in shock from Sunday night because taking a leave on the whole "after hours" thing did me a whole world of good as I was able to be alone with my thoughts in Moon Under Water, otherwise known as Wetherspoons, in Manchester.
My thoughts are constantly straying back to what I wrote in my journal and, if I can, I want to put a snippet here so that you can see the true light of my revelations that I have been undergoing these past few weeks: -
I just want Jesus right now, I need to be close to my Saviour right now, not her. He will bring me to whomever is supposed to be my girlfriend. I've gone back to basics today; I just want You, Jesus.
Wow! Just reading that back again wraps me up in comfort because I know that my focus is set exactly where it should be (ED - and he wrote this whilst getting tipsy too!) so I take great heart because having a crush needn't not only define who I am, but it needn't define what I do!
It almost brings a tear to my eye because for so long I was worried that me liking this person that much was beginning to screw me up inside when in actual fact, what's written on the inside of me is not that I like her; it is that I want Jesus more, so much more!!!
I can breathe a sigh of relief now, because a friend of mine, whom I've since lost touch with, Rachel, warned me to be careful as I crushed on this person in case it started to get in the way of my walk with God.
Anything that does that risks becoming an idol, she warned me, she was right because it tried, oh my goodness how it tried to pull my gaze away from Jesus and my calling!
But I'm still here, I am still writing away on this blog and I am still going to church, so it can think again if it is going to get that close that it tries to usurp Jesus as number one in my life!
My calling is first and foremost to keep writing these posts and keep making my devotional broadcast; for it is on those stones that His kingdom will be built by me!
Final Thought
So, now that the balance is re-dressed does this mean that I will stop talking about this person? Probably not, but know this; the further I travel, the more I will continue to talk about Jesus and how He is helping me all along the way with this.
I have to see where this road takes me because I have never been down it before and I trust Jesus to not only guide me on the way down the road, but also back up it again to the other side.
Next time you feel like giving up, would you do me a favour?
Make sure your focus is somewhere that won't delay your progress, okay? ;-)
Watch the skies!
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