FYI: I don't normally take requests for content for my blog, precisely because it is my blog. However, Sunday I decided to make an exception to that rule because of the nature of a suggestion made by a friend of mine.
Peter, thank you, my good buddy! ;-) - TLP
Oh how appropriate, how relevant is this title after last night!
I went to our Young Adults' Belonging, a gathering designed to better allow our younger generation to not only connect with one another, but also to connect with God on a more intimate and personal level.
But do you remember what I said last time about my little "Duck/Goose" experiment? Well it backfired in my own hands no, my own face quite spectacularly...
Duck, Duck, GOOSE!!!
My plan was simple; to write duck on my left palm, goose on my right with the aim to have either broken my "duck" and spoken to this person I'm talking about so much, or be left feeling like a complete "goose"!
Just think for a moment what a goose is often famous for; charging when its world is disturbed by the nearest person.
I'm sorry to say this, but I saw her last night and I'm pretty sure she saw me and it happened again; she deviated from her path so we would not collide.
I hope to God I'm not making her awkward right now!
The trouble is, I only seem able to look and not speak to her right now. My nerves keep getting the better of me and I'll admit that I'm terrible at getting caught looking at her, but I've seen her looking at me too!
Anyway, as the tram pulled away from Oldham Central, I had been thinking how those two words, "duck" and "goose" whilst seemingly harmless labels I'd come to associate with for the preceding day almost, they would indeed become harmful if I started letting them define me instead of Jesus!
You can see how I've struggled with this for so long that it has become a part of me to the extent where I once didn't know where it ended and I began... but Ps. Paul Garner gave me such perspective last night when he said that if we can choose Jesus in the chaos, when all is going wrong around us, then we can certainly choose Him in the good times too.
I was worried that I wasn't choosing God and instead choosing her!
But, wait, I've been here before too, twice over: -
I'm trying to prove a point to myself, if no one else; that when all the chips are down, when all is said and done, it is God I would rather have by my side today!
Breaking the Fever
I think it's all about deciding which something you want to rely on in your most challenging of times. I mean, who would have thought crushing on someone so hard would make me cry tears of devastation at home because I'm so freakin' nervous around her!
I just want to be her friend but you know something? I'm actually scared to be just that at this point because of how I feel about her!
I don't want to pressure her with my feelings, instead preferring to just wait and see what happens next. But surely staying away from her cannot work in my favour, can it?
I've got no hard feelings whatsoever toward her for what's going on at the minute because I like her too damn much to do so.
I just feel like the fever is about to break, I can just feel it!
Final Thought
I'm trekking through this emotional minefield and thanks to my little meltdown last night, people know now that I'm not okay, which is fine, I just don't want her thinking that it's because of her!
But you read what I've put and say "it is because of her, dude", don't you?!
What can I say?
I like her a whole heckuva heap and don't want to pressure her at all... AT... ALL!!!
If you are reading this and you are feeling pressured, then I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so freakin' sorry! :-(
I never meant that, just like I never meant to pressure you when I first asked you out!
I don't know what to do, all that I know is that feeling like you're drowning in your feelings keeps making me throw myself upon the altar for God to do His restoration work in me: -
I can only hope this fever breaks real soon because finding someone so cute you cannot talk to them is so mean! :-(
Watch the skies!
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