This was hardly a topic that I could leave off now, was it?
I've talked often enough about my crush, but it was about time I took it captive and subjected it to what the Bible says and as I quoted in the first part of my trifecta of posts, God is clearly at work if He is allowing this crush to linger for so long!
He has allowed it to linger for so long to test me, as He told me in His own words a couple of Friday's ago!
But how I want to tap out and run away, right now!
I know I asked the other day of what good it would do, but it doesn't help that this is how I feel right now, in this very moment; that my feelings for this person scare me so much because I've never had them before to this depth!
I don't want to say this, but, wasn't it Cheryl Cole who sang that we've got to "fight, fight, fight for this love"? Well that's what I want to do, but it's damn hard when you've never been this way before and you've never experienced all the feelings that you're having for this person!
Perspective, man, perspective!
That's what I try to tell myself every day; that it is God's will I am seeking and not mine in this!
A Sand Blaster's Paradise - Sand Blasted Emotions or Just Plain Blasted?!
But it doesn't make the pain any less, although I can now finally say that my descriptive of my crush feeling like an augur jammed in reverse can now be changed!
Now it's more like where the augur was jammed it has been blasted apart and left a gaping hole in its wake!
To put it another way, it now feels like where once my heart was, there had been a firecracker hidden inside it and it's now gone off and blown my heart apart!
But I've not done anything!
I've not told her how I feel yet, you meanie!
The way that I am coming to see this period I am in is that this is an essential part of the healing process that I have had to undergo. Like I told my friend Peter, it feels like my emotions are on life support and God is the Doctor looking after me, His patient, dragging along my hospital bed day after day!
Come on, I'd rather have God over Peter Capaldi any day, lol!
Seriously though, that's how I feel right now, that I'm not able to do what's needed and actually speak to the lovely, lovely young lady even to say hello!
How do I get that across to her?
That I'm shy when I'm around her, yet I can look at her just as much as she can me, which is a lot in exchange for a smile!
My goodness, if I could tell you what happens when I see her smile...
I think that song by Jamie Lawson sums it up perfectly: -
It was only a smile, but my heart it went wild, I wasn't expecting that!
Final Thought
As I've got all these thoughts, feelings and emotions down on the page for another day, I'm left wondering just what the hell am I letting myself in for being so open and honest about this on here.
But it's like I've said before; I want you all to see that even as Christians we go through the same trials as others do!
Yes, but is the pain worth it?
THAT is the $64,000 question now, isn't it?
Watch the skies!
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