More Than Enough For My Crush?! Part II: God Knows What He is Doing!

Hello everyone!

I hope you enjoyed last night's post, if you didn't, there's hope for today's post, but even if you don't enjoy that, there's always the next one, lol! :-P

But seriously though, the reason that I've raised such honesty in this week's devotional is because of the level of emotional turmoil that I am undergoing whilst I try to withstand the pressure of my crush.

Why withstand it and not give it up altogether though?

I make a comment of saying, at this point that I have given it up to God in a sacrificial offering!

Give It Up Or Not, It Matters Either Way

Now, when I say "given it up" I mean in the sense that I am no longer holding myself responsible for the outcome of it.

Not that I have let go of it ever happening.

Why?

Because if it is meant to be, if it is all part of God's plan and will better my life then it will happen & we will be together!!!

The problem I have, as intelligent as I am, is that I have never had a girlfriend before and am having to learn this whole seeking-a-relationship-thing as I go along.

Yeah, sure some of my favourite DVDs like Baz Luhrmann's Romeo & Juliet & Tristan & Isolde offer me a glimpse into one idea of what romance could be, but they do not come close to matching the Author who embodies Love itself; God!

It is God's will for my life that I am seeking in all of this, not mine!

I just know that part of God's plan for my life sees me finding the most amazing woman I could ever have hoped for & settling down, such as is the dream for many people.

But it is what happens next that I'm looking forward to because not only are we destined to be a power couple, it is the sort of things that we are going to achieve that I will never write about on here... all for God's glory!

Yes, I have seen my future and some of the exact dimensions that I'm heading towards, but it does not make living out in the present any easier because I freakin' admit it... I'm impatient for it all to begin!

Cry Me a River? Oh I'VE Cried a River Over You, Alright!

That has been my undoing at times, believe you me as I have cried and cried, cried and cried, cried and cried because, yes I like this person, yet will not do anything to pressure her.

Now as you already know it is not that I won't do anything to pressure her but that I can't!

It's literally not possible as at this point I haven't even been able to find it easy to speak to her!

Do you know, the last time that I tried I could feel the earth trembling as I got closer and closer and decided to back away?

Well it's true and it did!

But what did I raise the last time out?

God "will not allow me" to be tested beyond what I can bear!

I have cried for God to take this away because it is something that I cannot bear any longer, yet it's still here, it's still haunting my dreams and chasing me every single day no matter where I go or what I do!

Yes it does leave me feeling jaded at times and I'm now feeling compromised and complicated because I've just joined our creative team... AND SHE'S THERE!!! :-O

It goes back to what I texted my friend last night: -

It's not about me pulling away, even though I feel awkward because I believe God told me to join creative in the first place.

What does that say about me?

No, seriously, what does that say about me because I don't know?

All I know is that I want to hug and kiss this person every time I see her, I mean , like, seriously! :-D

You could argue that I'm letting my emotions get the better of me, but isn't letting my emotions get the better of me actually going over to her and telling her how I feel about her when I barely know her???

Final Thought

So here I sit then, musing over the fact that God is clearly more than enough for me otherwise He wouldn't have let this get as close to my heart as it has done this past seven-nine months!

My goodness, as Russell Watson croons from my phone, I just cannot wait to see when this all happens because I know it is coming, just as I know that the sun rises in the morning!

Help me, Lord, help me make it to the finish line of my life that sees You say to me "well done, good and faithful servant, come and share in your Master's happiness"!

Watch the skies!