Wow!
Another life update? I must really have a lot to say this week!
I guess that is one way that you could put it, but another way is that there is some stuff I want to unpack as I continue moving into my new season.
Starting with my crush...
A Crushing Inflection
I've admitted over and over again how I feel and, whether or not you think it's right that I've done it on here, it has really helped me see that the feelings that I have for this person are genuine. What I absolutely have to do though, from here on out, is to treat her as the best possible friend I could ever have hoped for.
The specific issue that I am addressing today is one of shyness: -
Shyness (also called diffidence) is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is in proximity to other people. This commonly occurs in new situations or with unfamiliar people.
Intriguing.
Why?
I'll tell you why.
Whenever I am around this person I just feel so freakin' shy and I'm stuck to the spot. I know that to overcome this I have to do the very thing that sometimes I feel incapable of doing.
Why do I say 'sometimes'? Because I've already spoken to her!
It just makes me feel rotten when I cannot do the very thing that I want to do and that is to just... talk!
For anyone who suffers from any kind of social phobia, you'll know where I'm coming from so I really can empathise with you because social phobia is something I struggled with in the past and I'm now nowhere near as bad as I used to be.
I would avoid all social situations.
I would avoid large enough groups.
I would avoid groups of groups.
I knew some time ago that I had to take steps to address this because it really was starting to affect my personal development.
Doing the Very Thing You Don't Wish to
That is why, today... well, alright Monday, I decided to start my own personal development plan designed to boost my charisma because I knew that there are some deeper roots in effect here. The really annoying thing though is that only intermittently do those roots come into effect!
I had an amazing chat with my new friend on Sunday evening, which, compared to last night, was a significant step forward because I had been worried whether I had made her awkward before Christmas.
I hadn't.
She wasn't.
I just projected so much confidence, warmth and power that it really made me see the real me was so much more effective that I really should let him out all the time.
The problem I keep running up against is this fear that I wonder what other people will think if I really let myself loose.
To quote professional wrestler, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: -
"It doesn't matter what you think!"
But my problem sometimes is that I get trapped up inside my head!
You know? Always finding myself thinking 'what will this person think if I say that?' or 'what will they think if I do this?', when in reality what they think has no bearing on my life only that which I give it, which is wrong.
People are people.
They will laugh, they will sneer, or they will cheer you on.
It's just a case of finding out which ones are which and sticking around the best ones; the ones that will cheer you on regardless!
To Crush is to be Normal
In this time of crushing, I've lost one really good friend who was fed up of me talking about my crush, and found out that I've got a helluva lot more friends at my church than I ever realised that I had.
What I have learned though, is that it is perfectly normal to develop feelings for someone, especially feelings as strong as mine are starting to get. I just have to maintain a sense of perspective in this because the moment the crush starts taking place of my God, that is when I am asking for trouble: -
You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me. Exodus 20:5
The moment anything starts to get in the way of my walk with God is the moment that I am straying into territory that God never meant for me to walk in; that of idolatry.
Final Thought
I'll tell you what, I'll end this here, but I might just revisit this before the week's out.
What I'm going to say is that I just have to fix my mind on where I am headed and know that God is propelling me onwards and upwards to greater things.
With God's hand at my back there is nothing I cannot face, nor is there anything that I need be afraid of!
Watch the skies!
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