Pray Until Something Happens
Hello.
I know this title seems a lot heavier than it actually is right now, but the truth of the matter is that for every few days I seem to get where I find momentum behind me, there are always those where it feels like it's falling away from me.
Nevertheless, I will not let it pull my gaze away from where I am headed because, knowing the destination like I do, or at least part of it, I am trying to teach myself to just rest & let God go to work in my situation.
It doesn't alter the fact that I saw her, though, last night...
Though it Makes No Sense, Still I Must P.U.S.H. On
What did I do?
Honestly? I went in the complete other direction from her.
I did.
I am not proud of that, but I knew if I didn't continue catching up with my friends, that I'd be like a rabbit caught in the headlights of one big truck!
I don't know what it is that's come over me like this because last summer proved that I could be in the same close-knit environment as her.
Does it help that my feelings for her don't change one bit every single day that I am alive?
Hardly.
Does it mean that if my prayers were tokens today, then the majority are used for her safety, her security & her blessings?
Absolutely!
The reality is, though, as I've said before, just because nothing looks to be happening at the moment, doesn't mean that something isn't happening elsewhere. For as Ps. Paul Reid preached last night, in my darkest hour is when grace becomes fully effective in my life.
My goodness do I need that to be the case right now because this is such an emotionally challenging time for me. But then, I have to remember that my unchanging feelings for her are only one side of this; God is still on the throne, He is still in control of this, of everything in my life I just need to let go even more than I already have and watch him do something amazing through me!
You see, I came up with this little idea of a generosity movement and how it'd be cool to be known as a pioneer of a new wave of generosity at my church, anything to keep my eyes focused on my situation so much!
I'd be repeating myself if I said, again, that God knew this was going to happen these last couple of years of my life, so instead I want to look at what it means to let go.
To let go is to simply fall, or release your grip on something and I know what is happening here; God is slowly convincing me to relinquish my grip on more and more areas of my life to His full, total control in order to watch Him do amazing things through me.
It's scary though, but as the last post's video proved, faith is not about making the fear go away; it is simply teaching me how to fight it.
And boy do I need to fight it, I know that I do because what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger!
Somehow, I have to get back to creative, that much I know.
I just have to!
I don't know how to, as in, how to be in the same room as someone I like so much and not say a damn word about it.
But God can teach me. if anyone can, He can!
Final Thought
I go to church, then, in spite of my feelings for this young lady because it is not about me getting a relationship, it is about me building my relationship with God in a community and gradually, over time, seeing what God can do through me!
I've already asked you why you get up in a morning and, hopefully, I've now answered that because I realise something; not everybody is meant to catch wind of my vision. I just know that the people that do need to be kept close as they will be the one's that will propel me forward and not hold me back!
Peace!
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